Guest Post – The Self Saboteur!

Here’s a guest post from my colleague Hyacinth Fraser. This time we look at an aspect of ‘mind’ wellbeing, (a clearer mind, a healthier body, a happier spirit), a great addition to my holistic Mind, Body, Spirit approach to ‘Living Raw’.

I am really excited to be writing this post for sistahintheraw. It provides me with an opportunity to support you to look at how we can stand guard over our mind.  This extract from my book, `Licence to Live – Personal Development and Empower talks about how to let go of the ‘self-saboteur’, an ailment that many of us have been afflicted with at some point.

It provides an ‘how to’ guide to interrogating the self-saboteur, this process helps the self-saboteur to STOP in it’s tracks… This is a deliberate act of helping to ensure a healthy mind.

Please do visit me on facebook – all details at the end of this extract.  Also, do contact me for your personal development coaching needs.

Licence to Live – Personal Development and Empowerment

The following extract is about how to deal with the self-saboteur.

Interrogate your Self-Saboteur

Some people consciously or unconsciously get into the business of self-sabotage. I have been in this place several times over the years. I have lived in complete fear of success, lived in fear of failure and have taken the self-sabotage route on more occasions than was good for me and than I care to remember. My self-sabotage took the form of staying in bed, virtually all day sometimes, or watching television for hours with my mind screaming out `boring, boring, boring’ and still continue watching, ignoring my inner cringes. I have lied to myself saying that I would do ‘it’ tomorrow and as we know there are no tomorrows in today. I dishonoured myself and my true calling many, many times. Eating was another avoidance tactic I used quite skilfully. Lucky (or unlucky) for me, I have a high metabolic rate and throughout my life my weight has never been an issue. Nevertheless, eating was about avoidance and I know it and I own it.

When self-sabotage comes calling, rather than just letting it in, it’s worth interrogating it:

  • · What do you want?
  • · Why have you been a part of my life?
  • · What is it that you don’t want me to achieve and why?
  • · What have you come to teach me today?
  • · What will happen if I give in to you?
  • · What will happen if I don’t give in to you?
  • · What have I learned from you?

Now questions to ask yourself…..

  • What do I now need to do right now to let you go and completely banish self-sabotage from my life?
  • Who or what will support me to stay out of self-sabotage and instead support my self-empowerment?
  • What do I need to do today to enable me to be and feel self-empowered?

Your answers to these questions will help to free you from what has seen you in the grip of self-sabotage. The clue is in the word `self’. Whatever self destructive behaviour you may have engaged in, may have served you well in your view in the past. As you are reading this book, I am guessing that somehow, nowadays these behaviours no longer serve you and you truly want to get rid of them. Really do take some time to answer the questions and say good-bye, fair-well, adieu, bon voyage, sayonara, auf wiedersehen, ciao, au revoir, adios to your previously self-limiting behaviours.

When I interrogate my self-sabotage, I know that my self-sabotage were avoidance strategies that helped to ensure that I did not live up to my highest potential. The truth is that, at this stage in my life, I do not know what my highest potential is as I have not yet reached it. I do know, though, that I have not scratched the surface and I look forward to wonderful future adventures. I am now ready to embrace my success.

This is what fanatical focus is about, deciding who and what and why you are and going after it and ruling out any other possibility. Steve Jobs put it this way, “That’s been one of my mantra – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: you have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains”.

We must treat self-sabotage as the impostor that it truly is. Yes, it may serve us for a time in our false reality and ultimately we must take ourselves to a place where we recognise that it does not serve us at all. We can lie to ourselves only for so long. The question is, what does self-sabotage ultimately give us? How does it help us and support our dreams? The resounding shout is that it DOESN’T.

When I spoke of fear of success in the past, there have been many who have not completely understood that success is something that can be feared because success is considered to be a positive thing by most and it can reap many rewards

For many years, even going back to my school days, I have always known that I was capable of much more than what I had been doing up to now. I had a huge fear about pushing back my comfort zone, stepping outside my self-imposed boundaries. I will say that I believe a lot of this has been subconscious. I am now consciously aware of this dilemma and I have consciously decided that fear is a word and has no power other than the power I choose to give it. I no longer choose to give it any power. I came to this point because the alternative, for me, was unquestionably worse. Living a life of what I consider mediocrity for me is far more painful. As I did for many years, the alternative now feels far more enjoyable.

Once the question of self-sabotage has been raised, it is important to recognise that sabotaging yourself is now a conscious choice, a choice to indulge in it or not. Posing the questions in the first place enables us to act now in awareness and we now have a choice – the choice to sabotage or the choice to create a huge enough reason to stay focused on what we really want. The cultivation of huge enough reasons really lies in the answers to the consequences questions raised earlier.

Hyacinth Fraser  Photo by Anita McKenzie

Hyacinth Fraser
Photo by Anita McKenzie

About me…………

I’m Hyacinth Fraser and I’ve been a Management and Training Consultant for nearly 20 years.  I am also a Coach.  I am a Master Practitioner of NLP as well as Prince2 Certified.

My passion is to support people to give of their best to be their best.

I’ve written a book called, ‘Licence to Live – 365 days of Inspiration, Motivation and Dedication’.  Feel free to get a Free preview (as well as the whole book) from

Please do feel free to contact me via facebook

Also, it would be great if you could like my www.facebook/licencetolive  page and receive a copy of – `The Magic of Believing’ and ‘The Science of Getting Rich’.


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